"Friends! Ones you can depend on" Whodini - "Friends" 1984
Dear Friend,
I call you friend because thats what we are (supposedly). A better term should be friend of my friend, but we're not gonna get that deep into it today. There are a few things that I want to discuss with you on this fine sunny Sunday morning. I know its kinda early and you are probably still asleep, but you'll get over it sooner or later.
Why is it that you only show your face, when its to your advantage? Like when someone is bout to roll a joint or they got food. Its like you got a pop up timer in your ass that sets off when a nigga opens the sack or tears into the bag. That shit there is very annoying, to me and my peoples. Another time we see you is when there are women involved and your horn dog ass dont have NOTHING to contribute to the "party". No drinks, no food, no weed, and for that matter of fact, NO WOMEN! Folks still let you get down, cause you have some socially redeeming qualities (even though we havent figured them out yet), even if we have to give you rubbers / hints / oppertunity. Actually, you are a lil comical, cause you always have "the answer" albeit the wrong answer, but you will argue the point to the death even after you are PROVEN wrong.
You remind me of the dude from Entourage (Sundays at 10pm EST on HBO) "Turtle", what really is your purpose? You called yourself playing us the other day, with that "I'ma come scoop you up in 20 minutes thingy", then 30 minutes later you was like my car is in the shop and I aint got a ride to go pick it up shit. If you would have opened your pie hole before that I could have gotten you a ride to pick the whip up. Or was that the case? You really messed up a good thing. There was plenty weed, food, drinks, and women at the pool party and the best part was it was all FREE.99! Good for you cause you always cryin broke (although you work for the US Postal Service), but we all missed out. Its cool though cause I had a visitor and made up for all that plus some more. You lost twice, cause she talked really bad about you. I would go into detail, but that would be really cat to air you out like that on the net, so Ima open a can of Pringles and see if you pop up...take you outside and tell you whats up. (BTW thats some shit a real friend would do)
At any rate, Ima end this letter, by just telling you how disappointed I am in you and I really thought that you could handle your business a lil better than that. Oh well guess I'm mistaken.
Both Colin and I are so disappointed in you and your lameness...
Captain's Log - Stardate 8 July 2009 15:00
Location: Atlanta Ga. aka Black Beverly Hills
Subject: The Text Stalker...
I've been in ATL for almost 3 weeks now, visiting friends, drumming up business and taking pictures of stuff. But now I have a situation...a text stalker. Many of you may or may not know what that is, so I gotta school you to it, we wouldnt want you to become a victim or the assailant. Text stalking is when someone sends you a text, and after you reply to their text, they continue the conversation with multilpe text. For all that the person could have just picked up the phone and talked. But knowing me I wouldnt want to talk anyway (I get that from my mother...damn genetics)
My homegirl that I went to school (undergraduate) with is now a resident of the A and I went to pay a cordial visit. I had no intentions on becoming romantically involved, wasnt tryin to have a one nighter, or the like. I called when I got up here to let her know I was in town and was gonna come over and kick it with her one day. It was cool. We hung out, played cards, ate some chicken wings, drank a few drinks and watched TV. Just so happened to be the day that MJ passed away and she became the illest Michael Jackson fan of all time (that in itself is another blog entry). At any rate I fell asleep on her couch and the next day went back to the crib where I was staying. I wasnt gone 10 minutes before my phone rang, it was her. I thought I might have left something at her crib and was gonna have to turn around and retrieve said item. NO!!!! She sent me a text saying to call her when I reached my destination...and when was I coming back. I was like WTF??? I texted back ok and iono, that should be the end of the inquiry. A few red lights up Peachtree Road and there was another message, then the continuation of that message. I replied, thinking I was doin the "good friend / homie" thing. Then I get a text making reference to the spade games from the night before and how it coulda played out if BLAH BLAH BLAH...
A couple hours later, another text came through, "What you doin?" "Where you at?" "When you coming through?" This was far too much for me, so I just picked up the phone and called her back to get all that taken care of and be through with it. A couple days after that, same shit, same messages, and this time a chain text (I really hate those). Matter of factly it has started all again...she is gonna run down my fuckin battery and Ima need it later on. The only good thing about that is I wont receive any text messages.
Then there are the mass chain text messages like "I love being your friend, send this to 10 people and watch what happens to your screen" Shit I know whats gonna happen, the evil "LOW BATTERY", thats whats gonna happen. Then you get folks that send you text messages saying "I changed my number, here's the new one, lock it in." Did the sender forget to ADD THEIR NAME? Then I have to text back..."WHO DIS?" cause I dont have the new number stored cause you just sent it. The whole text stalking thing starts all over again. I really wish I could find a way to teach the entire world (or at least the ones in my phone book) about text stalkin'. Its really not a good look...
"Friends! Ones you can depend on" Whodini - "Friends" 1984
