An Open Letter to a Friend...

"Friends! Ones you can depend on" Whodini - "Friends" 1984

Dear Friend,
I call you friend because thats what we are (supposedly). A better term should be friend of my friend, but we're not gonna get that deep into it today. There are a few things that I want to discuss with you on this fine sunny Sunday morning. I know its kinda early and you are probably still asleep, but you'll get over it sooner or later.

Why is it that you only show your face, when its to your advantage? Like when someone is bout to roll a joint or they got food. Its like you got a pop up timer in your ass that sets off when a nigga opens the sack or tears into the bag. That shit there is very annoying, to me and my peoples. Another time we see you is when there are women involved and your horn dog ass dont have NOTHING to contribute to the "party". No drinks, no food, no weed, and for that matter of fact, NO WOMEN! Folks still let you get down, cause you have some socially redeeming qualities (even though we havent figured them out yet), even if we have to give you rubbers / hints / oppertunity. Actually, you are a lil comical, cause you always have "the answer" albeit the wrong answer, but you will argue the point to the death even after you are PROVEN wrong.

You remind me of the dude from Entourage (Sundays at 10pm EST on HBO) "Turtle", what really is your purpose? You called yourself playing us the other day, with that "I'ma come scoop you up in 20 minutes thingy", then 30 minutes later you was like my car is in the shop and I aint got a ride to go pick it up shit. If you would have opened your pie hole before that I could have gotten you a ride to pick the whip up. Or was that the case? You really messed up a good thing. There was plenty weed, food, drinks, and women at the pool party and the best part was it was all FREE.99! Good for you cause you always cryin broke (although you work for the US Postal Service), but we all missed out. Its cool though cause I had a visitor and made up for all that plus some more. You lost twice, cause she talked really bad about you. I would go into detail, but that would be really cat to air you out like that on the net, so Ima open a can of Pringles and see if you pop up...take you outside and tell you whats up. (BTW thats some shit a real friend would do)

At any rate, Ima end this letter, by just telling you how disappointed I am in you and I really thought that you could handle your business a lil better than that. Oh well guess I'm mistaken.

Both Colin and I are so disappointed in you and your lameness...